Land of the "Underthings"

Boxers, briefs, boxer briefs, tighty-whiteys, bikinis, thongs (a.k.a. banana hammocks), commando...So many choices, so little information! Just as men have their preferences on what we women wear (or don't wear, I suppose), we have a few preferences of our own.

So, without further ado let’s address what goes on under your jeans.  

You know where this is going, don’t you? I wish I didn't have to say it, but...They need to be inspected (and probably thrown in to a toxic waste container).

Yes, yes...I know we women have to do some inspecting of our own unmentionables. However, in our defense, I guarantee you that a majority of the women you know have certain pairs for certain situations. I kid you not. Just ask.
 
Moving on, here are a couple things to consider when evaluating this layer of clothing:

    1) If the waistband is barely hanging on to the rest of it, it's time to say goodbye.

    2) If the material is practically see-through and they weren’t made to be that way, let them go.

    3) If you’ve ‘marked your territory’ on them and it’s there permanently, why aren’t they gone already?

Before we move on to style, here’s a little thought to keep in mind:

There’s a reason we fawn all over the photos of Mark Wahlberg in his CKs…

...they look GOOD!

Now that we have that clear image, let's get some details in writing.

    1) Boxer briefs really are the way to go. Just like we ladies got used to the thread in our rears to eliminate panty lines, you’ll get used to the feel of boxer briefs (that is, if you’re not already wearing them. If that’s the case, see the guidelines above and then move on).

    2) If you are extremely opposed to the BB’s then make your choices wisely. Just like we have lots of options of color and fabric, you do too and we like a guy with versatility (and style, of course!)

        - Boxers made out of the t-shirt type fabric are nice to the touch as are silky ones.

        - The cheap-o ones you buy at Mal-wart just don't say, "HEY! Check me out!"

    3) Tighty-whitey’s are just a no unless you’re playing sports or you have a REALLY spectacular rear view. No one wants to see ya saggin' in briefs. Really.


    4*) Absolutely NO thongs! NO! Yikes. No.



I starred #4 because a reader previously commented asking about thongs and I responded saying, "if you can pull it off, by all means." However, here's the thing, you can't just spring that on a girl. If you drop trou for the first time and you're sporting a banana hammock, she's gonna go in to shock without proper warning. So, I beg of you, please take care when choosing what you wear under those fabulous new jeans you have!


Agree? Disagree? Questions? Thoughts? Leave me a comment below!

Up next, shirts.

Thoughts on Valentine's day...

**FYI - this post is (as some have described it) a bit risqué.  Just to let you know.**

So, Valentine's Day is just about a week and a half away.  If you're a guy, chances are you haven't even noticed or thought about it.  If you're a girl, you've been eyeing this date since the NYE party ended.  For some reason, Hallmark has decided to make this day on the calendar amazing for some and incredibly painful for others.   Not to worry, though.  I will offer you some advice to alleviate fears, and hopefully keep some of you out of the dog house!

I'm going to cover a couple bits in here so bear with me.  Feel free to read only what applies to you but I do hope you read it all!

The Big Date

This part of my post is more for those of you who have someone to take out for this Hallmark Holiday however, it's good advice for future reference as well.  For my readers outside of the Denver area, use Metromix.com or CitySearch.com for help in finding spots like the one's I mention below.

So, you've got this great girl that you want to impress.  You want to "woo" her (for lack of a better word) with a fancy dinner complete with appetizers, dessert and wine (or some other preferred libation).  You book a table at one of your city's best restaurants known for their romantic atmosphere (Vesta Dipping Grill, Zengo, or The Melting Pot).  You let your lady know you're taking her out to a nice dinner so she can get all dressed up for you (give her advanced notice!).  You buy her flowers and maybe even some chocolate.  You are even optimistic enough to pick up a box of 'love gloves'!

You pick her up and she looks HOT!  You are so glad you stopped by the drug store because you are SURE she'll want to play when you get her home.

The date goes off without a hitch.  You eat and drink to your hearts' content and you even get a nice little buzz from the wine.  The two of you head out of the restaurant, hand in hand.  Your lady is smiling from ear to ear and giving you, what you interpret to be, bedroom eyes.

During the ride home, the foreplay begins...or so you think.  You're kissing, touching, caressing...you're getting really excited for your "dessert".  Unfortunately, guys, while you're thinking, "Yes!  I'm going to get laid tonight!"  We women are thinking, "Ugh, I shouldn't have eaten all that food...I feel fat, I'm bloated and gassy.  I just want to put on sweats and go to bed."  Yes, these thoughts are going through our head even when we're kissing you...explains a bit, doesn't it?

So, what can you do?  Well, I have a couple suggestions for you.  

First, if you want to "woo" her and take her on this amazing date, do so - just don't expect to get any that night.  You can set yourself up for a little morning nookie, though.  Keep things PG-13 that night - kiss and caress, rub her back or feet...then, watch her wake you up in the morning!

Another suggestion is take her out to a tapas restaurant - The 9th Door or Ondo's in Cherry Creek are great options.  You get to have some great food but it's all appetizer-sized so you don't fill up as much as a full meal.  Then, you can still have your cake and eat it too...if you know what I mean (wink, wink).

If you're a dancing man, do the big dinner but instead of going home, take her dancing.  Go to a club like Suite 200 if you want to show off, La Rumba if you prefer the Latin flavor, The Church if you're in to techno, or Club Vinyl if you're looking for options (4 floors of different types of music and dancing!).  She'll feel a lot more confident about her body after she's danced away for a few hours.  Please note that this also brings a risk of her getting too tired so make plans for morning fun!

Finally, and this is my favorite suggestion, go against the grain for Valentine's day.  Instead of trying to be romantic in a restaurant full of people, make her dinner at home instead.  Let her know that you want to spend time with just her that night and also tell her you're taking care of everything.  Google "Easy, romantic dinner recipes" or click on this link: Easy and Romantic.  

With a little preparation, you CAN do this! 

Be sure to buy some wine, light some candles and prep your iPod with a sweet playlist (think Norah Jones, Barry White, Billy Joel, David Gray and Lifehouse)!  

Don't forget to get her some flowers too!  You might even take it one step further and have a chick flick on hand to cuddle up to after - Love Actually, Phenomenon or Braveheart are all good choices.  If you're the sporty, active couple, you might challenge her to a Wii game or a board game (be sure to let her win!).

You might also offer up a brunch date either instead of the above or in addition to it (the latter being my recommendation).

Basically, guys, if you want evening nookie, don't take your lady out for a big meal beforehand.  However, if a personalized wake up call is more your style, by all means, eat!

For the Singles

From about mid-November until just after Valentine's Day, the singles (mainly men) of the world seem to go in to a bit of a frenzy about the holidays.  Between all the parties and gift giving occasions many guys feel way too pressured and end up retreating in to a shell to avoid it all.  There is no need for this panic.  You can still have fun regardless if your status is: fully single, single with options, single and not wanting to be, or single and one person in mind.

Quickly, if you fall into any of the categories listed above, do NOT feel as though you're alone.  There are many other singles throwing up in their mouths at the sea of roses, heart-shaped balloons and jewelry radio ads.  So, dig deep into your list of friends and create a Single's Day.  Plan a fun night out - bowling at Lucky Strike, or board games at the Atomic Cowboy for example - for you and your fellow singles and live it up.  Who knows, maybe you'll end up with a Valentine after all.

For those of you who are single and have a particular lady (or gent) in mind, first, please do not freak out or feel pressured.  I've seen far too many guys (and girls) pull a better disappearing act than David Blaine when it comes to this day.  Guys, if you're interested in a girl, asking her out for this day does not bind you to anything more than a great date.  

**Girls, you must understand this!  Yes, it's Valentine's Day and he asked you out but it's because he wants to show he likes you, not because he's looking at rings after three dates.**

Okay, back to the men with prospects.  So, go ahead and ask her out.  My recommendation is to keep it CASUAL though.  Take her to eat at one of those Mongolian BBQ places and then go to a bar like The Celtic Tavern that has mini-bowling so you can do something fun and laid back.  Or, find a little bar that's playing live music (that is, if she likes music) where you can just relax.  

If you do really like her, though, make sure you get her SOMEthing.  A card with some chocolate or a neutral flower (anything but a rose) are a couple of good options.  

The most important factor, though, is that YOU plan the date - even if it is a casual situation.  If you really like her and want this prospect to become a true Valentine, you must take charge (Click here to see my post about treating a woman like a lady) and plan this date.  She'll return the favor down the road, I guarantee it. 

Now get out there and start planning for fun!


Do you have thoughts on my ideas?  Leave me a comment!


Are you doing something spectacular for Valentine's Day?  Tell me about it!

"The Frankenstein" - for the ladies and the gents

This is one for the discussion table, so feel free to leave comments, thoughts and questions of your own.

Life in the dating world can be a little tricky at times.  

You meet this great person, whether it's online or otherwise, and you are swept off your feet.  Both of you are on your best behavior - calling or texting at least daily, making plans for fun and exciting dates, pulling out your best cooking skills to impress him or her, wearing your best attire...

Then, after about a month or so, you start to see each other for who you really are.  The girl who seemed so independent and laid back suddenly freaks out about you wanting to stay home, make yourself some tacos and chill out despite seeing her the night before and having a date planned for the following night.  The guy who was so sweet and charming blows you off for no apparent reason only to text you later on for a booty call.  The fantastically foxy gal turns out to be seriously scary in bed.  The amazingly athletic guy is actually a video game playing couch potato...

That's when the mind starts to wander.  "I wish I could take James' body, John's personality and (insert current significant other's name)'s everything else and combine it all in to one great, perfect boyfriend."  Or, "I wish I could put Rachel's body with Tanya's personality, and Julie's love for adventure with Carrie's intelligence and drive..."

This is what I have nicknamed, "The Frankenstein girlfriend/boyfriend."  I've heard friends say something similar to the above so many times over, not excluding myself either.

So, what is it about dating someone and wishing they were someone else or at least had part of that someone else in them?  Why can't we accept people for who they are once they let their 'good behavior' slip and they become themselves around us?  Why are flaws deal breakers?  Isn't it usually someone's IMperfection that makes them interesting and intriguing?  Aren't we taken out of our comfort zone and forced to open our minds when we date someone who doesn't fit our 'criteria'?