Women and shoes...a little insight.

So many women find great pleasure in purchasing shoes.  Heels, flats, sandals, open-toed, sling backs, platform, tall boots, ankle boots...There are literally HUNDREDS of styles and shades to choose from.  It can seem like an overwhelming situation yet women gleefully enter shoe stores wide-eyed and hopeful.  So, what is the draw?  How can women spend so much time shopping for shoes?

Well, guys, here's why - shoes always fit!

Now, any guy who's been in a relationship knows very well that we women have our 'fat days'.  We also have an incredible aversion to buying clothing when the size is one or two 'up' from our 'normal' size.  The worst part of shopping for clothing, though?  Facing a dressing room lit with the ever-unflattering, over-head fluorescent lighting.  This is an obstacle that can only be accomplished with unwavering confidence or copious amounts of tequila (or other liquid courage of choice).

However, when a woman finds a pair of amazing black heels that are so incredible they are the outfit, it doesn't matter if she ate that extra bowl of Chunky Monkey the night before.  It doesn't matter that she skipped kickboxing that morning.  And, it certainly doesn't matter that her jeans were a bit snug and difficult to zip up - again.  What matters is that these shoes make her calves look amazing and they're sexy as hell...and they fit!

So, gentlemen, please allow us a little leeway when we splurge on shoes once in a while.  You never know, it may keep us from asking, "Do these jeans make me look fat?"

Whatever happened to...

...respect and chilvary?  Let me clarify.  Last night my friend, Laurie, and I were at an outdoor concert at a well-known restaurant in Denver (rhymes with Schmelway's).  The place was packed and seating was limited.  Laurie and I decided to sit on a low wall near the stage since nothing else was seemingly available.  We ended up next to a group of guys seated at a couple tables with a plethora of chairs.  There were, maybe, 4 guys and about 800 chairs at their table.  Laurie and I were dressed up like ladies (she was in a dress!) and obviously a bit uncomfortable sitting on a wall.  So, Laurie leans over and asks one of the guys if we can use 2 of their extra chairs. 


The fact that we had to ASK them to borrow chairs blows my mind.  Didn't there used to be a time when guys would have offered their chairs to a lady before she even sat down on a dirty flowerbed wall?


So, back to the story, the guy tells Laurie that they're using all of the chairs.  She, being just as appalled as I was, clarified, "You're going to use ALL of these chairs?  ALL of them?"  (Remember, I said they had about 800 for the 4 of them).  Mr. Impolite-with-no-manners re-confirmed that they'd need all of them but then said we could use them until their friends got there.


Are you kidding me?  You're telling me that you, in your dirty jeans and t-shirt, won't give up 2 chairs to two ladies who are all dressed up???  And, this is just one example of the ever-weakening world of chilvary.


What about letting a lady go through a door first instead of just barging in in front of her and absent-mindedly holding the door for a nano-second behind you?


In the tiny town of Alamosa, Colorado this summer, I had walked in to a restaurant with my friends and family.  The door was located right next to the All-You-Can-Eat Mexican food line and this adorable elderly man was heading up to pile his plate high with tamales and burritos.  When he saw me, he stopped walking, did a sweeping arm gesture and said, "Ladies first."  Since we were waiting for a table, I politely said, "No, thank you.  That's okay."  I stepped aside and he sweetly said, "I wasn't raised that way." Awwwwwwwwww!  That simple gesture of kindness and respect brought such a huge smile to my face and I let him know that I was waiting for a table and not for food but that I was so thankful for his kindness.  Where are those manners in 30-something guys?


Yes, yes, I know.  Women's rights movements have all but killed off chivalry, or so I've heard.  Well, you know what?  Even this bull-headed, stubborn and overly-independent gal likes to be treated like a lady and made to feel like one through chivalrous actions and words.  So, guys, don't give up on us.  Keep up the good work and don't let a few nasty women spoil your manly manners!


p.s. Ladies, just let them be men already, alright?  Yes, I must take my own advice.

Do you have a similar story to share?  Tell me about it below.

Use a grading scale when dating...

So, I spent the better part of my day yesterday hanging out at a bar. It was a first for me as I spent most of the time alone (by first, I mean hanging at a bar alone, not being in a bar in general).  Before I get in to the real topic for the day, let me pose this question: Why is is so awkward and almost unacceptable for a woman to go sit in a bar by herself??? In my few hours of sitting at the bar, I saw 5 guys come in, and either have a beer with some food or sit and drink for hours - all alone. Maybe it is my own insecurities but I felt like they were all sizing me up as to why I might be there on my own enjoying a PBR. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't...however, I felt odd nonetheless - even though I knew the bartender. Anyway, on to what I learned from said bartender.

So, there I sat, shooting the breeze with Tom, the bartender.  Tom and I have met once before at a happy hour.  After several months of text exchanges, Tom promised a great bloody mary and asked me to come hang at the bar while he worked.  By the way, Tom, that wasn't the 'best' bloody mary... 


Sundays at bars are pretty slow in the summer months...no football, baseball is still boring, golf...well, I personally could care less about golf.  So, Tom and I had some time to talk.  Inevitably, the conversation turned to dating...which is where the topic of today's post came up: Use a grading scale when dating.  Genius, Tom.  Genius.

Everyone knows that at least the first month (hopefully longer, but we'll stay conservative for now) is the most blissful month in a relationship.  Both parties are on their best behavior and are trying their hardest to impress the other person.  Then, as the comfort and security level increases, the good behavior starts to fade and attempts to impress are few and far between. That's life, tho, right?  If you're going to be with someone for the rest of your life, you've got to find a level of maintenance that you can handle for the long run.


However, there are some relationships that start to slip into the dark, scary underworld.


This is where a grading system comes in handy.  I think most people (and by 'most' at this point, I mean Tom and I) agree that you want a relationship where you're happy at least 90% of the time, if not more than 90%.  Look at a grading scale - 90% and above equals an A.  An A is a great grade, everyone knows that.  I don't know many people who set out to get all F's.  So, an A is where you want to be.  So, if you're happy 9 out of 10 days, 18 out of 20, 27 out of 30, etc., you're in a good place. 


Even if you drop down to a B, there's still promise and hope.  80% happiness is not bad and it leaves room for growth and development.


It's when you get to the 70%, 60% and below...Those grades aren't exactly desirable.  Everyone knows that relationships are work but how much time do you want to spend 'after class' helping the relationship get to that A or B?


This leads me to wonder, though, what are the requirements for these grades?  In the simplest manner, I suppose you can look at how often you're fighting or how often you get upset with one another.  Is it happening every other day?  Well, there you go.  That's 50% or an F and it's time to change it up.  If you have a fight every time a certain situation comes up (you're out with your friends, you leave your phone in your car while out shopping and miss a call, etc.), you've got to assume that that's at the best a 60%.


However, if you're finding that when the other person isn't around and you want them with you.  You can't stop thinking about them and vice versa.  You laugh harder and smile bigger simply just being around them, well, that's definitely a 90% or better.  And, that's something worth holding on to.


A opinionated bit of advice to both genders:
Guys - you really need to understand just how powerful a text that says, "Hi.  Was just thinking about you and wanted to say hello." can be.  If you don't mean it, don't send it.  However, if you want to ensure a happy woman, send those sweet little messages.


Gals - First of all, take a deep breath.  Stop holding double standards - he's probably checking his phone just as often as you are and he's worried about seeming desperate just as much as you.  So, don't get mad when he doesn't text or call right away and give him the benefit of the doubt when he does.  Also, keep living your life.  You were doing just fine before you met him/started to like him, you'll be just fine after if it doesn't happen.  Don't let one person who barely knows you dictate your mood!  :)



Happy dating (and grading)!

**Updated!** Let's start at the bottom...your shoes. Yes, shoes (and socks).

** An addition to this post has been added to the bottom based on a question raised by a reader.

 If you have ever worn (or even thought about wearing) white athletic socks with your formal or semi-formal shoes please take a moment to read the following:

This is a BIG no-no.  You’re inevitably going to sit down at some point and we’re going to see them.  How could we NOT see them when they come screaming at us? 

Invest in a few pairs of dark socks – brown, black and navy. 

REPLACE THEM WHEN THEY HAVE HOLES IN THE TOES!

While we’re starting at the bottom, you need to get yourself some new shoes.  The chunky Doc Martins were fine when you were plodding through the beer soaked floors of frat parties.  Now that you’re older and a professional, you need shoes to express just that.  If you think we don’t notice your feet, think again.  That’s the FIRST thing we look at, right after we check your left hand for a ring.

Brands such as Steve Madden and Kenneth Cole are always up to date and current.  If you’re unsure of what to buy, enlist the help of a trusted female friend or even the sales person (that is what they’re there for anyhow).  Tell them you want something simple, stylish and classic.  That way you can get a lot of use out of one or two pairs.

With that in mind, think about buying both black and brown shoes.  You’ll want them down the road, I promise.

One last footwear note – NEVER, EVER wear socks and sandals.  Never.  No. 

Got it?  I mean, really, do I need to say this?

**White shoes.

White shoes are best reserved for the 21 and under crowd.  There are a few exceptions to this 'rule' I've instated.  

1 - If you're David Beckham.

 

2 - You model for Marc Jacobs.

Otherwise, it's best to leave the white shoes to your tennis or running game. If you can bend it like Beckham, then go for it! 

This is just the beginning...

Gentlemen, this one’s for you…and, no, it’s not a Bud.  If you are reading my blog, you have either decided to take matters into your own hands or some female in your life decided it was time for you to do so.

In the words of the great Bob Dylan – “The times they are a changing” my hairier friends.  We women have raised the bar for ourselves and we’ve come a long way over the past few decades. More and more of us are pursuing higher education so that we may create and maintain our independence. We pursue ambitious careers because of the desire to make a difference in the world.  Along the way, we've learned how to be pretty self-sufficient.

- We manage to make major purchases (like houses and cars, major appliances, and...) on our own.

- We maintain those 'major' purchases on our own.


- We are active on all different levels including infiltrating your sporting world.


- We are intelligent – we’re not simply talking book smart here.


- We are educated – college degrees and higher education are more and more common.


- We lead our own lives – no travel partner?   We’ll grab a gal pal.  No man around to fix the toilet?  We’ll buy a book and figure it out.  No date on Saturday?  We’ll grab a few friends and make our own fun.

- We know how to do our own laundry, fix meals (from scratch), clean, take care of pets and other “typical female household roles.”

- We do all of this and so much more.

What more do we do you ask?  Well, I’m glad you asked because I’m here to tell you.

- We dye our hair at the first sign of grays or roots.

- We have our nails done.

- We have hair waxed from places you wouldn’t DARE.

- We try to keep up with the latest fashions while still maintaining a sense of our own style.

- We purchase all sorts of products to enhance or improve our appearance – make-up, hair products, oral products, and creams for all sorts of purposes, to mention a few.

So, why are you reading this blog? 

Well, hopefully you have realized that at this point in your life, you are old enough to know basic personal care.  We women hope that you are also old enough to realize that we don’t want to have to ‘mother’ you.  Just like we’ve taken a hold of the reigns and made leaps and bounds in the betterment of our lives, we’re hoping you rise to the occasion and do the same for yourselves.

That being said, gentlemen, have a seat in front of your closet with a mirror nearby and start your journey towards impressing (and potentially landing) “Ms. Right!”

Welcome to my Blog!

Well hello! Welcome to my blog. I am glad you stumbled upon my site and I do hope you continue to visit and also spread the word!

So, what is this blog about? Well, as a 34 year-old single woman living in Denver, I've had way too much experience dating men who just don't get it. Get what, you ask? IT! Fashion, manners, romance, chivalry...and most importantly, how to deal with an independent, successful, intelligent, self-sufficient woman.

If you're a 30-something single gal reading this, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It goes something like this: You meet this seemingly great guy. Sure, he's got a few of those 'flaws' that we women pick apart - doesn't dress fashionably, needs a hair cut, needs to learn how to iron, etc. - but he seems great and has a ton of potential to be *gasp* Mr. Right. A couple of dates in and you're looking at him, wondering, "How in the world are those stone-washed, tapered jeans still sold in stores?" A couple more dates in and, despite your best efforts to reassure him, he's mad at you for not calling soon enough after your yoga class ends! Next thing you know, it's back to the drawing board. Not that you're really all that upset because, face it, it's hard enough keeping up with your own fashion and calling your parents, let alone dressing a man or checking in every 5 minutes. It actually comes as a relief!

If you're a 30-40-something guy reading this, don't get offended. This blog is FOR you! This is so you can keep that amazing woman and not drive her away by smothering her or relying on her to pick out your outfit each day.

So, regardless of who you are, read on...there's bound to be some funny stuff! Not only will I unabashedly insert my own opinions and thoughts, I will be adding in thoughts from my very best friend (who is a guy, who is working on listening to my advice). Believe me, guys AND girls, you're going to want to read what he has to say! Just to preview - remember that scene in Friends where Monica numbers the parts of her body and then goes through the numbers in the order that will get her to the big O? Yeah, that's what my friend can do...:) Stay tuned!