So, I spent the better part of my day yesterday hanging out at a bar. It was a first for me as I spent most of the time alone (by first, I mean hanging at a bar alone, not being in a bar in general). Before I get in to the real topic for the day, let me pose this question: Why is is so awkward and almost unacceptable for a woman to go sit in a bar by herself??? In my few hours of sitting at the bar, I saw 5 guys come in, and either have a beer with some food or sit and drink for hours - all alone. Maybe it is my own insecurities but I felt like they were all sizing me up as to why I might be there on my own enjoying a PBR. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't...however, I felt odd nonetheless - even though I knew the bartender. Anyway, on to what I learned from said bartender.
Sundays at bars are pretty slow in the summer months...no football, baseball is still boring, golf...well, I personally could care less about golf. So, Tom and I had some time to talk. Inevitably, the conversation turned to dating...which is where the topic of today's post came up: Use a grading scale when dating. Genius, Tom. Genius.
However, there are some relationships that start to slip into the dark, scary underworld.
This is where a grading system comes in handy. I think most people (and by 'most' at this point, I mean Tom and I) agree that you want a relationship where you're happy at least 90% of the time, if not more than 90%. Look at a grading scale - 90% and above equals an A. An A is a great grade, everyone knows that. I don't know many people who set out to get all F's. So, an A is where you want to be. So, if you're happy 9 out of 10 days, 18 out of 20, 27 out of 30, etc., you're in a good place.
Even if you drop down to a B, there's still promise and hope. 80% happiness is not bad and it leaves room for growth and development.
It's when you get to the 70%, 60% and below...Those grades aren't exactly desirable. Everyone knows that relationships are work but how much time do you want to spend 'after class' helping the relationship get to that A or B?
This leads me to wonder, though, what are the requirements for these grades? In the simplest manner, I suppose you can look at how often you're fighting or how often you get upset with one another. Is it happening every other day? Well, there you go. That's 50% or an F and it's time to change it up. If you have a fight every time a certain situation comes up (you're out with your friends, you leave your phone in your car while out shopping and miss a call, etc.), you've got to assume that that's at the best a 60%.
However, if you're finding that when the other person isn't around and you want them with you. You can't stop thinking about them and vice versa. You laugh harder and smile bigger simply just being around them, well, that's definitely a 90% or better. And, that's something worth holding on to.
A opinionated bit of advice to both genders:
Guys - you really need to understand just how powerful a text that says, "Hi. Was just thinking about you and wanted to say hello." can be. If you don't mean it, don't send it. However, if you want to ensure a happy woman, send those sweet little messages.
Gals - First of all, take a deep breath. Stop holding double standards - he's probably checking his phone just as often as you are and he's worried about seeming desperate just as much as you. So, don't get mad when he doesn't text or call right away and give him the benefit of the doubt when he does. Also, keep living your life. You were doing just fine before you met him/started to like him, you'll be just fine after if it doesn't happen. Don't let one person who barely knows you dictate your mood! :)
Happy dating (and grading)!
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