In order to feel and appreciate the good, we must know the bad...

I have sat on this particular post for about a long time now.  I've decided that since this blog is about dating as well as fashion advice, I'd better talk about my own dating experiences.  So, here goes...Just an FYI, this is a bit 'unfiltered'.

I'll paraphrase an oldie but goodie song - It's my blog and I'll say what I want to!

Valentine's Day.  A holiday that isn't REALLY a holiday but, despite my best efforts, still comes at me with both fists swinging.  Boxes of candy graced my desk, all sorts of hues of reds and pinks passed by my eyes today, an influx of engagements and birth announcements occupied my Facebook page...it's a day of love.  It's a time of bliss...for many.  

I admit, I am not a fan of this (holi)day.  I find it crazy that we need to designate a day to express our love for one another.  I find it even crazier that we allow people to get away with saying "I love you." on ONE day only each year.  Really?  Just because everyone else is doing it, you do too...but no other time?  That's not right.

You know what else isn't right?  People who try to impose their own dissatisfaction and unhappiness on you.  If you're not happy with who you are and where you are...don't be social.  Don't go out - unless it's for therapy.  But, honestly, on a day like today?  When people are either out celebrating their love or trying to find a glimmer of it...don't bring your "Debbie Downer" attitude.

Guys, I've heard many-a-time from you that women are mean and cruel and will shoot you down with such little consideration you may as well have been non-existent.  However, I am starting to think that this is nothing more than a tall tale from you.  I have loads of single women friends and I have been out with them many times...they are NOTHING but nice to men of all makes and models.  


Take, for example, my friend M.  She kindly gave a gentleman (who clearly wasn't her type, nor did she have any interest in) much of her time on a recent night out.  She listened to his stories and entertained his conversation despite her desires to talk to others (or at least not talk to him).  I'm not saying he was a bad guy...he just wasn't her type.  However, she didn't cut him off outright.  She listened, smiled, laughed and encouraged conversation because she is a genuinely nice person.  Like M, many of my other single lady friends are just as kind and considerate and have done just what M did tonight.  So, when I hear about guys being afraid of women and how mean we can be, I am shocked!  I'm shocked because not one woman I know would behave in such a way.  I'm not saying there aren't women out there who are complete B's and who cut you down without a moment's hesitation.  I AM saying that I do not know ANY of these women...and I know a lot of women!  Therefore, gentlemen, you are somehow finding that rare bad apple in the bunch and making a group decision that is unfair and inaccurate.

I would like to take this opportunity to talk about the opposite side of the coin, however.  Someone known as - the D Bag (who will now be referred to as The Jerk).  I have had the unfortunate experience of encountering The Jerk, in his various forms, on more than one occasion...and while these encounters have thankfully been few and far between, one experience is more than enough.  


What am I talking about?  Ah, I'm so glad you asked...I will gladly explain.

The Jerk comes in many forms, as I've said.  Sometimes he is sneaky, sometimes he's outright...Either way, though, he still comes out with the same label eventually.  One that screams, "I'm a D Bag."


Let's break it down:

Exhibit A: The Advantage Jerk

This guy knows how to work it!  He keeps in touch with a girl 'just enough' to make her think he's interested so she'll allow his bad behavior to pass.  He manages to make a girl think she needs to 'take care' of him, despite being perfectly capable of taking care of himself.  You want specifics?  Okay...well, for example, the Advantage Jerk shows up at her house empty handed when she's offered to serve him dinner.  He doesn't ever ask her out on an actual date but takes full advantage of her and her hospitality whenever it's convenient for him.  He eats her food, drinks her wine and walks away without so much as a thank you.  He does all this and still doesn't even send her a simple, "Happy Valentine's Day" text or email.

Exhibit B: The "I'm Too Chicken Shit To Do Shit" Jerk

This guy makes a great name for himself in the moment.  He IS the one who will show up with a bottle of wine (that hasn't been asked for), he will cuddle for hours, he seems to want to make it more than a 'hook-up' by introducing her to his family and talking of the future (without her prompting).  Then, he suddenly disappears.  He seems to freak out about the Valentine's Day pressure and doesn't do the simplest thing - which is to send a text to the girl - even though he knows he should.  He also plays it a little TOO cool and ends up letting the girl think he's not all that interested in her (even though he is) because he's afraid of being hurt or getting too close and being vulnerable.  Instead he recoils back into his man cave and seeks comfort in a can of Coors and whatever channels his HD antenna will allow.  Or, he manages to string some poor girl along for months with promises of dates and home-cooked dinners...only to bail at the last minute or even completely ignore her when she attempts to move closer to him.

Exhibit C: The "I'm bitter so I'll just be a jerk"Jerk

I crossed paths with this particular Jerk the other night.  At a singles event, I noticed a certain gentleman.  I was instantly attracted (granted it was purely physical) and was curious.  I spent the better part of the evening working up the nerve to start a conversation with him.  My moment presented itself and I took full advantage.  I initiated conversation, I asked questions, I was genuinely interested....at first.  For about the first 2 minutes the guy seemed nice and full of potential.  Notice I said 2 minutes.  That can seem like an eternity or it can pass in flash.  All of the sudden, this attractive guy became THAT guy.  I was making conversation, asking questions, showing interest... Only to have him respond to my questions with a) no eye contact and b) 1-2 word answers.  Seeing his Jerk potential, I quickly moved on...however, my walking away doesn't mean I wasn't left with a little bit of a wound.  I was hurt mainly because I am NOT a hard person to talk to nor am I a person that is unlikeable.  I find that I can have a conversation with pretty much anyone...except for those who are similar to the aforementioned Jerk...so, yes, it stung a bit when he was so rude to me.

Guys AND Girls, be NICE to people.  I understand that there's a line to draw and that if you need to, do it.  By all means.  Otherwise, what have you got to loose by chatting up someone new?  For all you know they could have that ultimate connection you're looking for for your dream job.  Or, they could be that ultimate connection (romantically speaking of course) for you or your best friend.  All I ask is this: Give them a chance.  I trust you.  You're smart enough to know, rather quickly, whether or not it will work out.  So, say 'hi'.  Give them a few minutes of your genuine time - not just a role play.

The other point I want to make is this:  Guys, even if she says that she doesn't care for or like a lame (holi)day like Valentine's day, you should (at the very least) send her a message saying "Happy Valentine's Day!  Hope you have a great day!"  It will brighten her day more than you can imagine and immediately put a smile on her face.  Especially if you two have taken things to the next level.  If you truly don't care about her enough to do this...then let her know in some way other than ignoring her.  It'll hurt, sure.  It'll make her cry.  But in the end, you'll both be better off.