The other night I was having a conversation with a few friends about relationships and the topic of communication in the age of technology came up. One of my friends was talking about the end of his last relationship and how the major issue was over reliance on technology.
Apparently his ex-girlfriend would get very upset if he didn't respond immediately to her texts during the day and she also fully expected to have a full day's worth of conversation via texts. My friend, on the other hand, is a fan of face time and the push to rely on technology as the main source of communication by his lady contributed to the end of their relationship. They couldn’t see eye to eye on the issue. Even though technology allowed for more frequent communication, it wasn’t quality communication.
So, why are we so dependent on technology? Emails, chats, facebook, texting…What has happened to the good old fashioned face-to-face chat?
It never ceases to amaze me just how lost I feel if I forget my phone at home for a day. I feel disconnected, like a piece of me is missing. However, when out on a long bike ride, camping in the mountains or traveling to another country, I don't miss it for one second. I revel in the joy of not hearing it ring or having to respond to a message. In fact, one of my favorite memories of a recent trip to Spain was sitting at a table with my 3 traveling companions, having an uninterrupted conversation where we were all completely engaged in each person's story.
I admit, there are times when technology is a necessary luxury (yes, that’s an oxymoron) - when you're lost in a new city and need to get to an interview, those little navigational apps are life-savers! Or, you've just witnessed a student in your classroom pick his nose, study the new found treasure carefully and then eat it - you must update your Facebook status (true story)! Those are definitely times when you want that connectivity. However, what about the times when you need to just breathe; you just need to disconnect from EVERYONE? Yet, there you are, checking your phone for messages, catching up on the Tweets or Facebook stalking that new boy in your office when you should be looking your friend in the eye and listening to the story that’s being told. That's when technology can make you want to drown it in a freshly made mojito (another true story!) – if only for the excuse of not connecting!
My biggest issue with technology is how it has seemingly numbed our basic manners. I know most people my age grew up learning to say "Excuse me." when interrupting a conversation or at least to wait for a pause. We were also taught to actually listen to others and ask questions rather than interrupt and interject our own stories, drawing attention away from the person and on to ourselves. My mother, who is a very wise woman, always reminds me that people love to talk about themselves and you can get (most) anyone to talk and open up simply by asking questions. When out meeting new people, this is a great tactic. Unfortunately, many people have forgotten their manners and stop listening because they hear their phone ring or feel the "buzz-buzz" of a text message. Technology has also influenced our everyday face to face communication - interrupting is not only common place it’s readily accepted! The days of starting and finishing a story without some bit of technology distracting your audience seem long gone. I find that more and more, people don't listen, they just wait for you to take a breath so they can jump in. Or, they simply just start talking about whatever it is they want to with complete disregard to what someone else was already saying.
Where am I going with this? Let's bring it back to one of the themes of my blog - dating.
Along with the diminishing manners in society, technology has begun to creep into relationships and is causing anxiety and stress where they never existed before. It is assumed (even expected) that the person you just texted has their phone attached to their hand and is able to get back to you immediately. It's expected that you share multiple exchanges about mundane events throughout the day which leads to ZERO conversation once in person. Technology makes people WAY too accessible and that leads to these overly high expectations. Having these high expectations of instant communication (and instant gratification) often leads to disappointment which might lead to a fight and possibly the end to a relationship.
Texting and chatting are NOT as effective as face time. No emoticon is going to ever take the place of a smile or any other facial expression. Typing ((hug)) or *kiss* does not have the same effect of an actual hug or kiss. If you think back to just a few years ago (before cell phones), communication was mainly face to face - or at least voice to voice. There were no other options. Personally, I kinda miss those times. Some of my friends might laugh at that because I am VERY guilty of relying on texts and even avoiding phone calls despite being completely available. It's become too accepted these days and I think it's time for a change!
In the spirit of communication, though, you need to make sure that the person on the other end of the line (haha) knows your boundaries. If you prefer to text rather than talk on the phone, speak up about it but also be willing to adjust. If you are more of the face-time fan (meaning sitting in person, not video chatting), say so! Also, don’t assume that you’re going to get an immediate response, have some patience. Think about all those people who had to use the Pony Express to communicate long distance – they waited for days, even weeks!
Whaddya say? How about some hugs and genuine face-to-face conversation?
By the way, reading my blog is the exception to all stated above! Haha!
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